when you and a friend successfully tell a lie you planned out
"I don’t understand bisexuality, I don’t think it exists"
well I don’t understand physics but you don’t see me floating off into space because gravity no longer applies to me
if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember that one time i had to fly with my cello so we bought it a seat
and it got upgraded to first class
you’re my rock…my dwayne….my johnson
There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
do you ever have to backspace a reply because
our friendship level is not ready for that
it’s like you’re my mirror
When my parents have guests over and I need to get to the kitchen
my chopsticks know i’m white